In Your Eyes




Yesterday morning when we drove back from Ngorongoro to Arusha, we were oddly quiet in our Land Cruiser. 

There was a lot to reflect on and think about. While I was so thankful to have been able to return to Tanzania (I honestly thought my trip in 2008 might be my first and only), I wondered once again if I would ever get to come back.

The thought of not doing so filled me with such sadness. Even though the car was quiet and the view was breathtaking, I felt like I needed more "space," so I grabbed my iphone and earbuds and tried to find something to suit my mood.

Because of the amount of photos I planned to take on this trip, I pared down my apps and music considerably, so without wi-fi, I didn't have a lot to work with.

I listened to a few songs, but then happened upon "In Your Eyes" which was originally performed by Peter Gabriel, but was sung by Nichole Nordeman on my version.

I've heard this song many times before. It's one of my favorite "oldies" from the 80's (the movie, "Say Anything," anyone?) But this time, as I churned through all the emotions I was feeling, it was like I was hearing it for the first time. You can play it below or while you read on from here.
I was especially struck by verse two:

Love, I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

 And all my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches

 In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
The heat I see in your eyes
In your eyes, in your eyes

And as I heard those words gazing out at the beautiful landscape, I heard it not as a love song between a man and woman, but as a cry to my Father God about how I had been feeling.

Something has to change.

I think about my world back at home and how many people live without purpose. So many who live without joy. So many of us who are not thankful for the bounty that we have been blessed with. How we get helplessly entangled in our "issues" which keep us bound with head bowed and only looking at me. Me. Me.

I am getting on a plane in the next few hours and cannot bear the thought of going back to that way of life.

Not when I've seen what I've seen, and felt what I've felt, and cried the tears I have cried.

I am completely desperate for the "resolution of all the fruitless searches" in my life when I know about how life can be here and how difficult everything is, but how joy flows here despite all of that.

Yes, I am going to step up on my soapbox and sound the call for those whom I love to join in me in this quest. That we would we truly let God burn away our "grand facade" and "reach out from the inside" and share all that we have been given. That we would give our very life away for the sake of others who need what we can give.



Little Eema is worth that. 



And James, who is infinitely more than merely a "driver", is worth that.




And Latifah who wanted us to hear her sing a song of welcome and greeting.




And all the children of Ngarenaro Primary School and the tens and hundreds of thousands of other students in this city and this country.

God...may it be. 

 Without a noise and without my pride, I want to be that complete....in Your Eyes.

Popular Posts

Checking the Boxes: My Love/Hate Relationship with Lists

Image
There is something about that little square with words next to it that just begs for action. It literally cries out for me to grab a pen and make that check mark inside it's precise lines. I love it and I loathe it. I love the feeling of checking off tasks. It makes me feel accomplished...that I can look back on my day and see that I was able to some things. But it also makes me feel that pressure...you know that kind. That mommy pressure we all feel to be/do/achieve more. If I'm not careful that box can do more damage than good in my heart and maybe this is another reason why lists with boxes have somewhat gone the way of the new year's resolution for me the past few years. So, considering all that...I'm not sure what happened, but I'm feeling pretty industrious this week.  -- A few weeks ago as the calendar turned over from 2013 to 2014, I decided that I would once again make resolutions for the new year after many years of avo...
Read more

Becoming a Circle Maker

Image
I just finished a book that joins the canon of books that have profoundly influenced my life and specifically my relationship with Christ. The Circle Maker , by Mark Batterson, joins such greats at The Purpose Driven Life and A Thousand Gifts . It has revolutionized the way I think about prayer and the importance and absolute necessity it has in every person's life. When you come to see that each prayer you pray is a seed that will one day grow and come to fruition -- maybe not today, or tomorrow, or in your lifetime, but one day -- it will change not only the quantity of your prayers, but the quality. Batterson challenges us to be specific in our prayers...to circle those things in which we long to have God do a miracle work.  I could say more -- a lot more -- but suffice it to say, it is a must-read for every praying person and for those who would wish to be. I highly recommend it for your book club, small group, or your own personal reading. There is a great websit...
Read more