Dream Saga Series: When Fixating on One Tree Keeps You from the Forest of His Grace

I don't know why God is so good to me sometimes.

I know that by nature, God is good. I know in my head that He loves to give good gifts to his children. I guess my problem of late is why He would want to be kind to me...right now.

You see, I've been in kind of a snit.

Granted, I'm not in full-out, lay-down, kicking and screaming tantrum mode. But I have been a bit...well, reserved with God.

Our deadline to find another home (our dream home to be precise) is coming due within another week. God has approximately 7-10 days to come through in a miracle way, or we will need to consider other options.

Although I am open (and a bit resigned) to this "other options" way, I honestly have always thought God would move us from point A to Point B with no other point in between. And I have been struggling a bit with the idea that it may not happen that way.

I am still getting up every morning and I'm still eager to journal and do my devotional time. It's just that the shine has worn off a bit. 

This makes me feel like a bit of a fair-weather Christ-follower. Although my outward actions have not changed, I feel a bit different inside.

It might just be the tiniest seed of doubt. Okay...maybe it's more of a sapling. I'm trying my best to keep it in check, because I so desperately want to be all all-weather Christ-follower. In my heart, I'm that person, but my mind starts churning with a bunch of what-ifs and betrays me.

It's those last hours or minutes before the dawn that are the darkest and feel the most never-ending.

So, this last week for me has been disappointing as we had to take an area of housing off the table because it would make us ineligible to remain enrolled in our homeschool charter (more important than a house in my opinion). Although it has narrowed down our search -- and in a certain perspective could be interpreted as God answering our prayer to shut doors that need to be shut -- it has pointed us in really only viable area -- one that is more expensive and has less available properties.

It's almost as if God is setting everything up for the mother of all miracles.

Or if you are my brain, you start to wonder if He is too busy to notice that time is running out.

"Lord, I believe....help my unbelief," indeed.

Yet, in this state of unbelief (or because of it), I feel like I am compelled to catalog the things He has done for me this week -- amazing wondrous things, really.

• Out of the blue, I received a call to place a fairly substantial order for my direct sales business. I have been working on and waiting for this order for over a year. Literally days before the phone call, I had given it over to God (again) but asked him for favor in getting the order submitted. I shouldn't have been surprised that the call came, but I was.

• The over-payment that we received in my hubby's last paycheck appears to be legit. I was certain that it was a clerical error (it has happened a few times), but after calling several times and finally reaching somebody in Payroll, it seems that this substantial amount will go right into our savings fund towards the deposit on our dream property.

• The appraisal that we have been waiting for on our current house finally came in this morning and came in higher than our realtor even had hoped. This means that we don't have to make up any difference between the buyers' offer and the appraised value. Potentially, a low appraisal could have tanked our deal, and it would have stuck with our house for six months -- making it hard to get the offer we needed.

These are all very BIG things that are a God-sized miracle and don't even take in consideration all of the "little graces" that I have experienced this week that have lifted my spirits and given me a dose of much-needed encouragement at much-needed times.

Yes, our hot water heater decided to go out on Tuesday night. Yes, we have been "making do" for two days until a technician could come out. Yes, we did wait all morning for them to arrive, only to call and find out that the appointment was made for "next Thursday." Yes, the customer service agent agreed that waiting another full week for hot water was not doable. And, yes, she squeezed us in for tomorrow. And, yes, I'm thinking of the water shortage in Tanzania and how hot showers were a blessing and how glad I am for family who is happy to let us shower at their house.

But that's a really small inconvenience. And, yes we don't want to have to put a ton of money into fixing or replacing it since we are moving, but I am confident that the God who made a way for me in all those ways listed above, has this one under control too.

When I step back and really look closely at what has been going on these last few weeks, I see SO much blessing and SO much of God's hand in it all. I think, however, as I have been entrenched in trying to "get through each day," I may have seen a broad brushstroke here and a beautiful little embellishment there, but I have not had the perspective to see the beautiful masterpiece (mosaic?) that He is creating.

And that's why I feel unworthy of his goodness to me. I feel like I have been given a glimpse at the complexity and vastness of this work of art.

I feel like God has been inviting me to lift my myopic gaze from one specific tree, and behold the forest of his many graces.

Yet I don't know why He would do it when I've been a bit of a brat.

But that's the whole point...His grace is not earned. I could never be good enough, consistent enough, faith-filled enough. And, that's why it's grace.

Because it's undeserved.

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Postscript: My hero of a hubby came home from work tonight and decided to give the water heater another try and guess what...hot water abounds in our house!

God is so good...His grace...well, it's amazing.